WHY DO GIRLS LOVE LIES?

There are two ways to catch a woman’s attention! If you want to be a ladies’ man, you’ve either got to be rich, or be a darn good liar!
I know so many girls reading this would be like, what?
But yes, sister, that’s the truth, and you know it.
Girls love to be told stories that are out of this world. Girls love to be pampered and made to feel very special. They love to be treated like queens, and demigods.
Girls love to roll with the big and mighty. They love to hang with powerful men, and men who make things happen.
So many girls say that they can’t date a guy who does not have a car! So what is the guy who does not have a car supposed to do? Borrow his friend’s car, and tell his lady it’s his? Hmmmm.
Girls are indeed very special creatures, and I always say that the best way to understand a woman is to realize that you can never understand her.
Women are very complex, and we may never fully understand what goes on in those pretty heads of theirs. Women could be extremely gullible, and still yet they could be as hardened as a stone.
Girls are wily, but yet they act like they don’t know shit(excuse my English). They act all naïve, and all that, when in reality, they have more experience than we guys. Girls!
A girl would lay awake all night thinking of a certain guy, and still yet when she sees the same guy in the morning, she acts all hostile.
I once dated a girl, who swore to her friends that she could never have anything to do with me. Whenever her friends talked about me, she’d hiss, and ask them to talk of better things. Hmmmn.
This same girl would profess her undying love to me, and tell me she had never loved anybody like me in her whole life. Hmmn.
Why are girls like that?
Girls love the good life. They adore comfort, and would do anything to live in luxury.
Most of the girls, nowadays, are insanely materialistic, and the only thing they are interested in his money!
Don’t get me wrong though! I love money too, but when money is your primary and only focus, then there is a flaw. Such a materialistic girl is only setting up herself for a fall.
Girls are no longer interested in your dreams, and ambitions. As far as they are concerned, that one na for your pocket. Girls!
Why do girls love lies? Girls love lies because they fall in love with their ears, so if you’re looking for a girlfriend, be ready to let your mouth spew forth sweet nothings.
Whenever most people see my book or hear me sing, they are always of the opinion that I have lots of girlfriends (I am neither going to confirm or deny that).
The reason is because my books are full of sweet, and romantic words…………..in short, what ladies like.
That girl wants you to complement her hair. She wants you to admire her in the red dress that brings out all her curves. She wants you to tell her she has a smile as bright as the morning sun.
Basically, that girl wants you to lie to her! She wants you to tell her she’s the most beautiful person on earth, when in reality, she isn’t all that!
That’s girls for you! If you want to be popular with the womenfolk, you should seriously buy my books, because they’re going to make your job way simpler. Lol!
Girls love lies, though they would never admit it. If you think I’m lying, tell the next girl you see a blatant sweet lie and watch for her reaction.
She’d melt in smiles, and tell you thank you. That’s for sure!

NIGERIA AT 50?

How does one write about Nigeria without sliding into a pit of despondency? How does one catalogue Nigeria’s fifty years of independence without been wet in the eyes? All these questions, and many more, beg for answers in my crowded, and already tender mind.
Nigeria is a case study in self inflicted suffering of the worst kind. Nigeria provides the best form of paradox possible: a nation crippled by extreme lack, yet swimming in an ocean of abundance.
The great writer, and sage, Chinua Achebe, pondered on the incredulousness of a man that lives on the banks of the river Niger, yet washes his hands with spittle. Absurd, yes, but sadly, that has been Nigeria’s case for fifty odd years.
Every day we cry. We lament over our miserable state, and put forward numerous analysis to explain, or at least try to understand, how we came to this sorry pass.
Many have fingered corruption as the shameless and extremely culpable culprit, and I’m sure, were corruption to be a man, it would have been long dead.
But sister, what is corruption? Who is its father? Where does it live? I have to know, because it has caused too much havoc, and I must shoot it dead.
I can’t hear an answer, so I’m thinking corruption doesn’t really exist? Oh, but it does, I know, because I am corrupt. Just like you are!
I have no explanation, no excuses……………I am simply what Nigeria has made me!
Nigeria has dug a scar in my heart, and everyday it gets deeper by blows of anguish and inhumanity dealt by conscienceless leaders.
Electricity is down, nay, comatose. We wallow in darkness, and it’s no wonder we continually stumble. We still burden God for power, when countries, it burns my heart to say this, like Ghana, enjoy uninterrupted electricity.
The hospitals have become ‘waiting rooms’ for the undertaker, and lives have been wasted in desecration of the Hippocratic oath. Doctors are more on strike than on call, and the nation is ignored, unloved, untended, and neglected like an orphan.
What about the schools? They have become like wayward children bringing embarrassment and shame! Pray, what sort of nation neglects to educate and empower her youths? Isn’t that tantamount to shooting oneself in the foot?
Education, is regarded, world over, as the catalyst for growth, and improvement in today’s technologically driven world, but Nigeria treats its future with disdain, and leaves its youths to be tutored by the streets.
Nigeria is fifty years old as an independent nation, and yet well over fifty per cent of her secondary school students failed woefully in the just concluded Senior School Certificate Examinations (SSCE).
Every facet of our national life has been tarred by the brush of irresponsibility, and now we’ve been forced to seek salvation from deities and supreme beings.
The schools have failed. The hospitals have collapsed. The government has become virtually non-existent, and the people have no other place to go than churches and mosques.
People have lost all hope in the ability of their (s)elected ‘servants’ to ease their plight, and now they moonlight from one vigil to another searching for the elusive miracle.
Why?
Why have we cheapened human lives so? Why have we taken ourselves back to the Stone Age, and regress while other smaller, less endowed nations move forward and leave us behind.
How time flies, and now we are fifty? Sad!
I mentioned earlier that I’m corrupt just like you. Yes, that’s true! I am almost as corrupt as the leaders I ceaselessly castigate.
I give bribes to a secretary in my school so she could check my results for me. I bribe PHCN officials when they come to my hall of residence and disconnect us from the grid. I bribe them because my landlord wouldn’t do that, but would rather leave me to my faith.
Sometimes, not often though, I litter the streets, and contribute to the sore that Nigeria has become.
Indeed, I attend church regularly. As a matter of fact, I’m a worker, and I strive to do my best in spite of my imperfections. Every time when I’m on my way to church, I see lots of people also going to worship.
Nigeria is a very religious country, and ninety per cent of the people I know consciously practice one religion or the other. But that has refused to yield into a spiritual rebirth for our badly raped and battered motherland.
We practice religion, but have little faith. We pray, but yet we do not believe. We preach, and still go ahead to act differently. We demand too much from our politicians, and have auctioned off our values and ideals to the highest bidder.
The society readily celebrates money regardless of its origin. The same society that wishes to be like America scoffs at honesty, and makes mockery of probity.
We mouth platitudes, and love towards each other, hiding behind a veneer of envy, and pettiness. We are not happy when somebody else is progressing, and when such happens, we are convulsed by the ‘pull him down’ syndrome, and we do everything within our power to see that person fall. And even when we don’t contribute to a person’s downfall, we are all too happy when it happens.
Why?
Nigeria is fifty! This is a big issue!
Come on, let’s face it. At fifty years of age, a man shouldn’t be living with his parents, or still be going about in diapers.
At fifty, a nation should have passed the ‘teething’ phase of its existence. At fifty, a country should aggressively educate its youths so as to guarantee the future.
At fifty, in 2010, a nation with enormous resources like Nigeria, shouldn’t be grappling with electricity crisis. At fifty, a nation should be working like crazy to meet up with the infrastructural level of other developed nations.
At fifty, is Nigeria doing all these? The answer is a resounding no! Nigeria has gotten her priorities wrong. Big time!
Our leaders complain of a lean purse and admonish us to take austerity measures, but they do not hesitate to increase their allowances. And buy private jets.
Nigeria offers a lot of things to write about, and most of them are sad!
How does one explain the fact that in spite of the mind blowing amount of money Nigeria has made from oil, the country still ranks as one of the poorest in the world, even in Africa?
All around me, I see wretched people. People who are suffering only because they were born in Nigeria. I see unsung people who would have been elevated to iconic proportions if they were in a placelike America.
Every day, I see people who would have been locked up in places like England been idolized and put forward as role models.
And yet, they tell us that there is no substitute to hard work and integrity. Really? When we see people who have done no other hard work in their lives than to loot and steal. We see those people rising to the top in our sick and precarious nation.
If indeed Nigeria will rise, and be counted amongst respected nations of the world, we need an awakening, an overall overhauling of our ideals, beliefs, values, attitude, lifestyle, and every other idiosyncrasy that has gotten us to this abject state.
Rather than celebrate, we should stand sober, and realize that we are getting old, and our age old excuse of been an ‘infant nation’ is no longer valid. We are adult now, and we should begin acting it.
Otherwise………………..I shudder to say it, Nigeria would become a nonentity.

HAPPY TABIEORRAH/ RAMADAN KAREEM

Just wanna wish all my Aladura people a happy and blessings filled tabieorrah period, and also to my muslim brethren, I say ramadan kareem.
GOD BLESS US ALL, AND MAY HE ANSWER OUR PRAYERS IN HIS INFINITE MERCIES. AMEN/AMIN.

I REMEMBER

I remember the times,
I used to stay up at nights,
staring at bright lights,
and the city skyline.

It was so fine,
even when PHCN took the light,
It was still bright,
from the light,
of the stars that shone at night.

But now,
I shiver with fright,
at night,
I grab my pillows tight,
close the windows tight,
and put off all the lights.

Guarding,
from marauders of the night,
thieves molesting the night,
and breeding,
sorrow, pain,
injecting tragedy through the veins.

I remember,
when I wasn’t so fatalist,
back then, I was a catalyst,
I gingered speed,
and knew no retreat.

Now I sit,
not in defeat,
but I’m not me,
this is what they have done to me,
the looters and the thieves,
they’ve spoilt my life,
forced me to take mediocracy,
as a wife,
dictators,
they have squandered our collective inheritance,
yet they know no repentance,
so they shall burn.

I remember,
when it was all fun,
so I’ll remember to beg God,
to make their hell,
a special one.

WHAT IS NIGERIA’S PROBLEM?

When I came up with the title for this article, the first question that came to my mind was whether to leave the problem as singular, or to add an (s) to it.
It would be a crass understatement to say that Nigeria has just a problem, no?
There are problems in our schools, politics, transportation, electricity…………………..or, perhaps we should rather highlight the places where we do not have problems. That would be simpler.
There is always one complaint or the other about life in Nigeria, that life itself now seems like one huge conspiracy theory. The labour market conspires against you. PHCN conspires against you. Even your government conspires against you.
Nigeria’s problems are very obvious, but yet hidden. They are simple, yet extremely entangled and complicated. They are self inflicted, yet brought about by the actions of others. Nigeria has grown to become one big problem.
Just yesterday, my mum got back from the market, and said that the mallams selling tomatoes were on strike. I thought it was a joke. But it turned out to be true. The northerners who bring their farm produce to sell down south, in Lagos, have refused to bring their goods for a couple of days now. That sounds absurd, until you consider that, in this country, even tanker drivers and policemen go on strike.
The funny thing about the tomato sellers’ strike is that, this time last year, my mum was complaining that the cost of foodstuffs was becoming unbearably expensive. There was no strike then, but even garri became a rich man’s staple diet. Things always degenerate in this country. The only thing that changes is the reason. If it isn’t increase in fuel price, then it would be increase in Value Added Tax (VAT).
One of the frustrations of the Nigerian situation is that we always seem to be complaining about the same set of problems. I am in my twenties now, and people have always complained about poor electricity supply, right from my childhood days. Isn’t it pathetic that we are still tackling the same problem for years? The most logical answer to that puzzle would be that Nigerians are dumb and unintelligent, but that’s a big lie. Nigerians are one of the smartest, intelligent, business savvy, industrious people on the surface of God’s green planet, so what then is our problem?
Our PROBLEM is a lack of will to tackle our PROBLEMS. We know what they are, but the people who can do something about it are comfortable with the status quo because of its benefits to them.
Journalists have written. Activists have shouted and lost their lives. Even students have donned the toga of liberation soldiers, and many of them have been cut down in their prime in the process.
Methinks we don’t need to talk about our problems anymore. Rather we should start solving them.
After studying the Nigerian palaver, I came to realize that our major problem is short sightedness, and not corruption.
If a politician is not short sighted, he would realize that, for example, if money meant for the building of a hospital is used for that purpose, it would be more beneficial to him, his family and the whole country at large, than for him to take that money into another man’s land.
Dubai is now a tourist’s haven because its leaders were fore sighted enough to make good use of the monies they made through oil. If Nigeria does the same thing, then we would really be a giant indeed.
The world doesn’t need changing, because there is nothing wrong with it. The problem is you. The problem is me. The problem is as a result of our actions and inactions.
When next you drop litters on the streets, remember that you have actively contributed to Nigeria’s problem. When next you offer or take a bribe, don’t bother praying for Nigeria to get better, because it won’t if you don’t.
When next politicians rig elections, and you keep quiet, you shouldn’t bother complaining about the poor economy, because your vote is your voice, and if you do not exercise it, you are simply forfeiting your right to speak up about the affairs of your country.
Nigeria is more than a geographical representation on the map. Nigeria is you and I, and it needs us to deal with its issues. If we genuinely want to help her, then the first step should be to stop contributing to her problems.
I believe that Nigeria can stand tall and proud! I believe that we can be free from the shackles of disgrace and scorn. I believe that we will shine! But that’s only if we work towards it. Nigeria needs you. Nigeria needs me. We mustn’t fail her in her hour of need.

KC PRESH AS STAR QUEST JUDGES

I appreciate what Nigerian Breweries is doing in encouraging and supporting budding young Nigerian musical talents with their program: STAR QUEST. Undoubtedly, Star Quest has given many youths a platform and recognition that they normally might not have gotten if not for the program. As a matter of fact, my friend Tunde, is a part of the Pulse, the winners of the 2009 edition of star quest. The young lads, and lass have gone on to become household names with their hit singles ‘so tey,’ and they even featured Busta Rhymes in the remix of that song.
Having said all that, I must register my displeasure at the way some of the judges of star quest have been conducting themselves.
I was watching the audition/screening of the new season of star quest on TV few days ago, and I was miffed at the way KC of KC Presh addressed some of the contestants.
Granted, some of the contestants had no business been in that competition because they obviously lacked the talents to be musicians, but there are better ways to disqualify people from a competition without injuring their pride and ego.
KC was rude to some of the contestants, and that wasn’t nice. If recollection serves me correctly, KC PRESH were the pioneer winners of the competition. The won the prize by singing a popular Christian song, which they made slight modifications to. For years, that was the only song they performed at shows, and people soon got tired of them. A lot of Nigerians complained that they couldn’t see the talents that KC Presh possessed which warranted them winning the competition.
Several years down the line, KC Presh cannot boast of any major hit, so I thought KC would at least be understanding of the plight of those ‘poor’ upcoming musicians, but not so.
As a matter of fact, lots of people have gone on to become successful musicians after they had been turned down and rejected. A popular example is D’banj, who wasn’t allowed to sing in his church choir.
If we take a look at the top musicians in the country right now, most of them wouldn’t stand a chance in competitions like Star Quest or Project Fame. This means that musical skills aren’t the only prerequisites for stardom. Things like charisma, and personality of the artist play very important roles as well. Timi Dakolo, a gifted musician by all standards, won the Celtel Idols competition, but yet, his impact is yet to be felt in the Nigerian music scene.
Some of the people KC insulted could easily turn out to be tomorrow’s hit makers, and then what would KC do? Run to them for collaborations?
If you ask me, I’d say that the only reason why KC Presh is on the panel of judges is because they were the pioneer winners of the competition. KC doesn’t possess any obvious musical skills, so he is not even qualified to pass judgment on those contestants whose only ‘sin’ was to pick up the nomination forms.
Simon Cowell, of the American Idols fame, who KC might actually be trying to imitate, is abrasive alright, and it works for him, but he has also got on the wrong sides of people lots of times. If anybody should be abrasive, it shouldn’t be KC, been that he is a musician with roots in Ajegunle, so he knows what upcoming musicians face in this country.
Like I said earlier, there are lots of ways to pass your points across candidly without been rude or hurting the person involved. An unpleasant word in the presence of a crowd and on T. V for that matter is capable of damaging a person’s morale for life.
KC, please don’t get carried away. You are a role model, and your duty is to inspire people and not discourage them.
I rest my case!

PS: Kudos to Nigerian Breweries. Keep up the good work.

JOS: CITY OF DEATH?

I remember in 2004, when a crisis erupted in Jos. The statistics of death was alarming, and the pictures from the carnage seemed like something taken from a Steven Spielberg horror movie.
Hundreds of people were killed, and the situation eventually led to a state of emergency been declared in that state. The governor of Jos then, Joshua Dariye, was suspended for six months, and a military administrator took over.
What dominated the news for a period of time after that mindless carnage, was the politics surrounding governor Dariye’s suspension from office.
Yes, people talked about how it was unfortunate for the victims to die needlessly, but our leaders focused more on whether a state of emergency should have been declared or not. God!
Fast-forward to 2008, and yet another crisis erupted in that once serene city. A friend of mine lost his dad, and my school, Olabbisi Onabanjo University (OOU), also lost some of her alumni that were in Jos for their national service. In all, over five hundred Nigerian lives were lost in that tragedy!
Then, the situation got me thinking of the casualties more as individuals than just numbers.
Death is inevitable, but it is a very bad thing when it is evitable. Someone once likened human beings to strings of a guitar: if you tweak one string, the reverberation would be felt by all the other strings. That means that when one person dies, it has a ripple effect.
The average human being has a father, mother, siblings, nephews, nieces, cousins, friends, neighbours, school mates, church members, mosque members………………….the list is endless. When one person dies, the effect is felt by everybody that had come in contact with that person.
Nigeria is a blessed country, and our citizens’ lives are priceless, but what does it say about us, when we shed each other’s lives like skin off a snake’s back?
Once, a United States war ship was hijacked off the coast of Somalia. There were about ten people on that ship. The US government refused to pay any ransom, but rather, raised an elite force to rescue their citizens. At the end of that scenario, all but one of the Somalian pirates was killed. The lone survivor was taken to New York for trial, but no American life was lost.
There have been lots of cases where journalists were kidnapped in hostile situations all over the world, more recently in places like Iraq, Afghanistan e.t.c.
When such a situation occurs, the country that is affected, will not rest on its oars, until its citizen is returned hale and hearty.
Those are people who place premium on human lives. Can Nigeria do the same? One of the reasons why the Jos crisis keeps recurring is because there is very little regard for human lives. That is why hundreds of people can be wiped out inside their country in peace time.
We can never progress as a country, if we do not respect the sanctity of human lives.
Jos has turned into a city of death. Stories of Jos’ scenic beauty and hospitality have now become history. Jos is on a path to self destruction.
Something drastic needs to be done, and it needs to be done fast. There is no need for probes, inquiries, committees, or all such frivolities.
The root causes of these carnages are known, but what needs to be done is for the government to summon the political will to deal with this gory malady decisively.
A lot of committees have sat, but their reports have never seen the light of day. The time is long overdue for the government of Nigeria to put a permanent end to this wanton destruction of Nigerian lives.
A government ceases to be a government if it cannot perform its basic responsibilities, and one of the basic responsibilities of a government is to protect the lives of its citizens.
Good people from a great nation don’t kill each other over cattle, or such nonsense.
Jos must be rescued from the merchants of death who are hell bent on turning that beautiful city into a ghost town.
All of us must rise up to collectively condemn this, and to demand actions from our leaders. Our countrymen are not goats and chickens, so they shouldn’t die like that. Remember that whatever happens to your fellow man today, could easily happen to you. This is an issue of national importance. Jos must be sanitized!

NB: R. I. P to the people who lost their lives in the Jos crisis. May God ease the pain of their families.

IS WRITING A LOST ART? (1)
I believe that it is quite obvious, that nowadays, people tend to scoff at intellectualism. It seems that no matter their level of education, lots of people are averse to logic.
Decorum has been thrown to the wind, and in some places, merely by speaking proper English, you are already labeled as a ‘geek/nerd.
Imagine one young fellow waking up one morning and telling his folks and friends that he wants to become a writer. They’d all probably laugh it off at first, until they found out it wasn’t a joke. Then they’d take turns at advising him.
His friend would say, ‘What’s wrong with you, guy? Seriously, dude, are you on drugs?’
Another would say, ‘Forget it man, if you want to do anything creative, go and sing abeg. That’s where the money is at. Can’t you see D’banj? Small boy controlling more money than his grandfather’s mates. Forget it o!’
His father would probably say, ‘Son I love your drive and spirit, but then let me borrow you from my wealth of experience. Writing is very good, but it is not appreciated in this part of the world. I’d advise you to forget about writing for now and look for a business that is more lucrative. May God bless you my child!’
By asking where are the writers? I could end up ridiculing myself. Perhaps, a better question should be, where are the readers?
Nowadays it is hard to find people who are interested in reading anything, except, compulsorily, their textbooks. Once, a university student told me that he considers, ‘guys who read novels, as gay people.’
Is that so? I don’t think so. The truth is that any reader of good materials is a potential leader. There are only two ways a person can advance in life: the books he/her reads, and the people he/she meets. But the fact is that your hopes lie in reading good books because rarely can you find a leader who is not a passionate reader.
I am a writer, so on behalf of my primary constituents, I ask this pertinent question: Are we going extinct?
The reality is that a lot of people sneer at literature this days. So how then, can they respect it as an art?

WHERE IS MY MIND?

It's not a rhetorical question. I really am looking for my mind. Just a few minutes ago, I wanted to think, but my mind wasn't where it used to be. I really need to think urgently, so who's giong to think for me?
This is not a joke! I mean it, who's going to think for me?
I've got God on my mind, I've got school on my mind, I've got business on my mind, I've got girls on my mind.................I've got a lot of things on my mind.
How do I manage? It is not that I really appreciate the work that professional jugglers do..............I mean keeping so many balls in the air at once!
Anyway, I just found my mind. Poor thing, it went into hiding when it realised I was over working it. Would you blame it?

OMOGE OLOSAN

OMOGE OLOSAN

Lips in a perpetual pout,
she does things to my mind.
Her mellifluous voice beckons on the thirsty,
to savour of her oranges.
Like the pied piper of Hammelin,
men chase after her like rats.
A taste of the oranges, they claim it is,
that makes them drool each time Risi,
the orange seller hawks pass.
Which of the oranges? Their wives ask:
the one on her head, or the one on her chest?
Who knows, but when next you see Risi, the omoge olosan,
please tell her that she has stolen my heart.



CULLED FROM 'TOWN CRIER'
written by OLUWATOFARATI IGE (GT) GRAND TYCOON PUBLICATIONS 2008.

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER
Hold me close,
while we make love,
to the accompaniment of the thunderstorm,
let your body,
melt into mine,
and forget all about time,
'cos even the world will stand still,
while we both our bodies feel.

Let me take you on a journey,
for which you won't be sorry,
from cloud to cloud,
and ectasy to bliss.

I'll make your body come alive,
while experiencing feelings,
you never knew.

Call me the love doctor,
'cos I'm here to kiss away your stress,
I'll make love to you tenderly,
making tonight,
a night to remember.


NO MORE!
The first time I looked into your eyes,
I was captivated beyond measure,
and in your soul I found a treasure,
that I thought I could keep,
and rely on,
even under pressure.

If to you,
this is a game,
then our feelings are not the same,
I trusted you,
but what did I get in return?
Deceit and scorn!

Your lies an;t save you any more,
I'm tired of your promiscous ways,
it's time to call it a day,
pack your bags,
and call a cab on the way.